From nowhere

3:00 p.m.
I don't know why I am feeling so bad. I've got so many things on my mind, lots of what ifs. Hay! what a life! Sometimes it's really mind-numbing and you can't help it anymore. Many are just illusions, even happiness. It's so easy to pretend that we're happy and fulfilled, though we're not inside, it's just so hard for us to accept that fact. Sometimes we pretend to be nice though a voice inside us is already freaking out.

I don't wanna say that I'm nice, that I'm damn so good, that I attend church every Sunday, that I have this and that unless other told me so because I partly believe them because they are the ones who can attest to what we're doing.

Why am I saying all these things! Maybe I am just missing home, missing the old days when all my little angels were still here, my little Nicole and Cyryll, I remember their kisses and hugs. I hate it when I think of them, I feel like crying, I love them so much. And now, there's my little goldilocks, Khyla, who's always waiting for me, oh maybe not for me but for the pasalubong, she's like Nicole who follows me wherever I go.

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4:00 p.m.
Thank God it's Saturday and I'll be able to spend some times with my family, it's going to be a long vacation, the Borillo clan will be complete again. It's picnic time at the cemetery, eating all day long, chikahan and playing scrabble 'til your brain is exhausted. For sure, they'll be talking of the forthcoming birthday of Lolo, where and when to celebrate it and also Christmas, where to spend it, what color to wear, exchange gifts and the like. It's going to be magulo na naman in our house, it's their favorite place to hang-out. But for sure, I'll take time to finish watching "Love Story in Harvard."

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4:52 p.m.
I got time to blog today, our server is down, wish magtagal pa... ;)

I am feeling a little bit better now, is it because of the cheesecake I'm eating right now? or the music I'm listening to? Yeah, I think it's both. When I'm feeling down, I love listening to worship, inspirational song para ma-renew yong feeling and to uplift my spirit as well.

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Wish it's already November na, so that we can receive na our 13th Month pay. I'd been holding myself from buying another Lacoste bag, I don't know why but it's like a magnet that attracts me to buy another one. They got new colors in red, blue and flesh, they even have printed ones and I want to have them all. Come November and I will take it talaga, but my big problem is the color, why can't I have them all? why are they too expensive when they can lower the price naman... bakit kasi walang imitation. There's this jacket pa at U2 na I want to buy rin sana, it's on sale today at 30% discount, but hey, it's still expensive, why not 50% off. Oh my, wish performance bonus na ulit, so I can have both.

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6:35 p.m.
I am feeling tired. I want to rest. I think I am okay, but I am feeling lonely and alone. Oh, I forgot to tell you! I hate you for making me feel so miserable! I hate you for not being real, I am really tired of you. I pity you. Goodness, God am so sorry... just wanna let it out!

Shadows of the past

You're giving me so much pain. I can no longer endure. You're breaking me into pieces. I don't want to think of you anymore. You're already occupying most of my thoughts. What's with you! You're already getting into my nerves! I cast you away! Please, leave right away!

GSM? Boma? = @#*&

Just last Thursday, I had my initial interview and exams at Boma One Pacific Corporation for the position of Graphic Designer. I really love lay-outing magazines, I was able to explore my creativity and express myself when doing that things. And just now, at this very moment, I received a text message asking if I'm ok for project basis at night shift that might start late next week. It's a magazine project. Oh! Damn goodness! I really to do it! But how! It's a good project sana, but how I can I make it, my sched... wish morning shift ako para ma-get ko yon! It is a dream come true sana, international magazine pa naman ang handle nila!

I passed the exam and interview? Good accomplishment! Well, maganda naman kasi pagkakagawa ko dun sa magazine, artistic and clean looking... Why is it too far kasi, Alabang pa, sana man lang naging Makati na lang and I'll take it talaga! What am I going to do! Sana kung ok lang sa kanila na part time at flexible time, I might think of taking the project siguro. What about the salary, di ko pa alam ah! Well, if the offer ba is good, bakit hindi! Waaaaaaaah, gusto yon!

Good Lord, siguro the next na ma-aaply-an ko BINGO na ako! At sana the same job description, this is my life and this is what I want to do...

New Hope!

Huh! I'll be having my exam and interview tomorrow... kind the nervous. It's going to be a hands-on exam according to them and thank God they preferred Quark than Pagemaker, but any will do... sana chicken lang sya! Para matahimik na ang world pagbigyan! they're always bugging me about it, when can they schedule me, or they can re-sched whenever I'm available, etc., etc... Sana naman maganda yong company at natural maganda ang offer.

Bahala na what's gonna happen next!

Thinking

And I never heard anything from him again... and as what a friend told me, never expect na he'll say sorry or whatever because definitely it's not going to happen.
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Got a new look... yeah! back to the old me. Short haircut again... younger and prettier than ever! hehehe!
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Hay! it's really hard to decide whether I'll show-up or not with that interview in Alabang. Whether to call them to confirm if I'm still coming or not. Pero nakakahiya na kung hindi ko pupuntahan. At least dun, malapit sa mga relatives ko. Ang kapal ko na kapag naghintay pa ako ng follow-up. Try ko lang naman sana and take a look of the environment. If it's friendly ba or not. I still have to really think about it... Give it a thought Vien!