Confession...

Today is my birthday, and I'm proud to be 29... these past few days, I've done something good to my friends, I was able to help them in my own little ways. Of my 28 years of stay on this earth, the last days before my birthday ang naging pinaka-best sa akin, parang nakita ko ang purpose ko as a person, that I can be a good adviser rin pala...

Ang dami na ring nangyari sa buhay ko and I thank God na wala naman akong masasabi na masamang experience talaga, kung meron man, di ko na sya makita ngayon kasi ang daming magandang nangyari sa akin para matandaan ko pa.
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Last night hindi ako makatulog kaagad, ang dami kong iniisip, I don't have problems, pero ang dami kong tanong sa sarili ko, ang dami kong gustong sabihin pero parang wala akong guts to voice it out... I don't know kung nahihiya ba ako sa sarili ko or I'm just afraid to admit things... like nung lumabas kami nina Teena and natanong nila yong guy regarding his lovelife... feeling nila affected ako sa isinagot nya. Pero mega deny ako, where in fact I must admit, I am a bit affected... Ni hindi ko nga maadmit sa sarili ko kung ano ba talaga, may feelings o wala, kaya nga kahit anong panunukso nila as much as possible ayaw ko padala dun, kasi baka umaasa lang ako or bumigay then wala naman pala, ayaw kong masaktan sa bandang huli... ayaw kong bumigay, I should know how to control my feelings over him, kailangan maging satisfied na lang ako na magkaibigan kami. To be honest, ngayong pa nga lang nahihirapan na ko sa kanya, feeling ko kasi parang naiirita sya sa akin, ni hindi nga nya magawang itext ako or tawagan man lang, it's always Liz never na ako... totoo, sumasama ang loob ko kasi hindi ko alam kung bakit, may ginawa ba ako sa kanya na hindi nya nagustuhan... hindi ko naman sya matanong kasi wala naman akong karapatan... minsan nga iniisip ko sana hindi na lang kami naging close dati kung ganito lang naman ngayon, nanghihinayang ako sa nasimulan namin, lagi kong naiisip yong dating kami.

Ayaw kong eentertain yong thought na may malisya daw kasi, ayaw kong isipin yon, ayaw kong paniwalaan yon... hindi ko magagawang tanggapin yon na dahilan... minsan iniisip ko na lang na 'wag sumama kapag may lakad, pero hindi ko magawa, maraming beses kong tinatry, pero hindi talaga...

Minsan nga natatanong ko ang sarili ko, am I not worthy of anyone's love? Is something wrong with me? Or am I dying na ba... para wala na lang masaktan hindi na kita bibigyan ng taong magmamahal sa 'yo...

Once, my friend told me "there's so many fish in the ocean..." if so, why can't have one... lahat may nagmamay-ari na... I think I'm on the wrong ocean ata...

Ewan hindi ko na alam kung ano gagawin ko... siguro nga be patient... somewhere along the way makakaslubong mo na lang...
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I am so grateful sa mga bumati sa akin today and yesterday, Bebot, Beth, Weng... thanks for the call... Joy, Randy, Martin, Jujit, Ate Dins, Ate Ayrene, NA, Che, Haj, Geraldyn, Paz, my brother, my sister, Jovel, Nhemia, Leg, Liz, dating kong ka-shit at sa present shitmates ko... thank you all... I'd been wishing and hoping talaga na magtetext sya to greet me, pero sorry na lang ako kasi wala ata sa vocabulary nya ang bumati... asa pa ko noh!!!
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I hope next year maging mas masaya ang birthday ko, now all I want is good health...

Thank you Lord for all the blessings you have given... I owe you everything that I have now...

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

I will hold on to you forever... you are my source of strength ... my everything...