My Bestfriend's Wedding

"You texted me, inviting me to come and be one of your guests. I think I can't, I might fall in love with you again! Things can't go wrong again... I want to live my life without your memory! I want to experience happiness without you! You have your own life to live, so be it. We're hopeless I know, that's why I'm letting you go! Maybe I still love you but I'm not sure if that's enough reason! So better said goodbye and be free."

Seems to be a real drama ha! Well, wrote that note when I was really depressed. Like My Best friend's Wedding story, well, I guess the only difference is that I've done nothing to make him mine. Falling in love with your best friend is a common story, friends can be lovers anyway. But then sometimes we better hide the feelings, better than to lose him, afraid to take the risk.

Remembering RGB

Just got an email from my bestfriend. Thought he already forgot everything about me, nice to know he'll never will (at least according to him). I will always remember him as my best. He still make sense to me... : ) A good start of becoming good friends again... credit to Friendster

Last night, I'd been thinking of what present should I give to a friend who'll be celebrating his thirty something birthday... if I'll do what I have in my mind, then, that's gonna be the hardest thing that I'll be doing in my entire life... whew! But I don't know what will be his reaction, will he be mad or will he appreciate it. I'll do this not because he also did something during my birthday, I just wanna show him that I'll always be a friend no matter what... even if he's not texting nor calling me, it should not hinder me from doing so. Just hope I can do that, may I have the guts to do that please...

Wow! Guess everybody knows about this guy, well, he's not really my crush, I just find him neat, but they keep on teasing me. God, wish them to stop, I don't want him to know of course, he might think I really do have that thing for him and he might stop talking or greeting me, that I don't want to happen again.

Friendster

 Really happy today, just got to see my old bestfriend through Friendster!  I must admit, extra effort talaga searching his name hoping and wishing that I’ll be able to find him there and gotcha!!!!!  It’s been over a year now since I last saw him I guess or more pa nga ata.  I was kind a nervous seeing his photo, well, with his wife(?!@#) sigh…  But anyways, who cares about that! Me! I don’t care!  We’d been bestfriends since highschool.  Friends forever, well, at least according to him.  I wish it’s true… still longing for my bestfriend of so many years.

‘Yan tuloy, I remember the past, our memories together, the kilig moments we shared together… Grossssss… : )  Hope approve nya ako, and wish ko lang start na ulit ng communication namin, miss ko na sya…

He’s the guy that I’ve always been dreaming of, di ko lam reason why, but I’m aware when he’s here and when he’s leaving na, madalas siya ang guest sa mga dreams ko eh! Ewan ko lang why ganun…

Maybe that’s reason why I’m happy right now, seeing an old friend, thanks Friendster…

All My Life

"Spend each day with you... there was a time, that i thought I would loose my mind... I do recall every moment spend was wasted time... All my life I will carry you through..."

Ewan, pero feeling ko masaya ako ngayon, no problems na iniisip, basta happy lang ako, which I think is better kesa naman sa mag-isip na lang ako ng mga bagay na feeling ko ala namang sense... Pero bakit kaya masaya ako, what's the reason... sana nga yun na yun...

Deep Inside

I don't know na talaga what to do. Bothered na naman ako, I don't know what to do na talaga, why do I have to feel this way, bakit hurt na naman ako. Ako na naman ang talo. I think I'm in a situation na hindi ko alam ang puno't dulo. Pinaparusahan ba ako or what, why do I have to suffer.

Sometimes gusto ko umiyak na lang para naman makapaglabas ako ng sama ng loob ko rin. Feeling kasi parang siya na lang ang may karapatan. Bakit ang hirap niyang i-maintain bilang kaibigan, bakit kailangan ko pang masaktan. Bakit affected ako... unfair talaga... bakit kasi hindi na lang nya sabihin na ayaw nya na sa friendship namin para di ganito yong feeling ko ngayon... affected talaga ko, nasasaktan ako sa totoo lang. I don't even know the reason why he's acting this way, sa kung ano talaga ang nagawa ko sa kanya... di ko alam kung I have to give up na ba or magtiis na lang hoping that one day everything will be fine. How I wish alam na kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon sa pinaggagawa nya.

Ang laki-laki na ng emotional investment ko sa kanya, ako pa raw ang madrama. Kelan kaya ako mapapagod. Ang sama-sama talaga ng pakiramdam ko.

You're the Gay

Dwain... so it's Dwain... the ultimate gwading. He's is so nice talaga, talented papa. The voice, I feel like I'm in heaven. Can't take the smile away from my face the whole night... who cares if he's a gay, nagpapanggap lang naman siya (how I wish!) Grabeeeeh! Nakakakilig talaga, so neat, so papable talaga... we'll be back again, just to see him performing on that small stage... I will ignore the smell of cigarettes and the puyat na aabutin and everything para lang masilayan ko ang kagwapuhan niya. Dwain... Dwain... Dwain, the ultimate papa, I'll be seeing you again on Thursday!

I Love You?... Goodbye

Am I loosing a friend? Am I ready to loose one... questions that's bothering me for quite sometimes now... I'm not even sure of the reason why. But if in any case, I'm ready. I can't understand myself for thinking of such a thing, but with the situation right now it's not possible...

People come and go... and maybe if you got a strong foundation of the friendship, there's nothing to worry about, but if you're not sure where your friendship stands, then, there must be a problem... and maybe that's my problem right now, unable to decide of what to do with things that's been happening at the moment, I don't even know what to feel about it. I'd been always thinking of those memories we've got before, afraid that it might be forgotten and put into waste.

I must admit, I'm convincing myself I'm ready, though I think I'm not. I'm afraid that everything will just fade away. But I think he's not giving any importance with our friendship, he always makes me feel bad. I cried a lot, always... I don't know why, I'm sensitive I guess, kasi naman ang sama nya kasi, he's so unfair. Lagi na lang sumasama ang loob ko dahil sa kanya. With all of my friends, he's the only one na lagging nagpapasama ng pakiramdam ko, I don't know if he's really a friend.

How I wish na sana minsan, ma feel ko naman na special or friend talaga nya ako... na minsan pinahalagahan din nya. Madrama raw ako, pero mas best actor pa nga siya...

But now I have to make a decision, no text, no calls, no communication at all... unless... I don't know, but as of now, I have to make a stand.

No more tears...

Just Another Day

Today! what's new ba... launch out with him (don't wanna mention names here) basta launch out lang, chat-chat-chat ng kung anu-ano lang basta may mapag-usapan lang ata... sarap naman food... treat nya pala 'yon e. I thought di na nya mareremember ung launch out na yon (kala ko di sya seryoso, kaya deadma lang ako), kc he didn't mention about it again, till magising ako, txt pala siya asking kung tuloy nga... he's just like that, kung ano ata maisipan nya gawin, he loves going out e, magkakasakit ata pag di lumabas...

I don't know nga if i'll be joining my cousins this coming weekend, thanksgiving outing(?) Parang di ko feel... bahala na...